I daywalk with Pixies in a modern Greek time. My batcave is the coziest of posh libraries, complete with a French cafe, embellished with sunrises and sunsets from across the 7 seas. My difficult outer shell protects the hopeless romantic that often seeps out onto my sleeve. I am a social black sheep. I wear Chucky T’s with my tutus and spikes with my R.L. V’s. My body is a temple, decorated and celebrated. Evolving spirit, flowing free; Blaze my ambition, inspire my motivation. My eyes may resemble Bambi’s, but I am a F o x.
Not to be repeated again.“You mess up. Force things you shouldn’t. Pout, throw temper tantrums and yell. Get angry and forget why. Bratty when you don’t get your way and your ego hates to feel like it has lost. You think too much. You’re impatient. You let your emotions go unchecked sometimes and you lose focus. You hold on too long. And ironically these actions stem from a twisted sort of love. Arguments are never the intention.. But in the heat of the moment, that happy feeling..that sweet gesture, the loving words you wish to hear.. you simply want too badly. You carry special feelings inside, wanting to replicate them of course and when suddenly you can’t, you don’t understand why and it frustrates you…. When you’re wrapped up in something that once felt beautiful and then it becomes lost…you hold onto that beautiful feeling that you don’t realize is a feeling of the past, and all you wish is to feel it right now. Something that once came so easy, but is now distracted. Past indiscretions have clouded your brain. Arguments with no resolutions, confrontation gets you nowhere. You indulge in empty promises and buy every dream being sold..Only to make yourself angry again when you find yourself back at square one. But love…he loves you, he said so himself so he must. You’re confused. You’re confusion leads to more arguments about stuff you shouldn’t have to put up with, ways you shouldn’t be treated, things you shouldn’t be dealing with, yet..you deal. “Stupid lover. This is your fault, you did this. You treated me badly, you’re to blame.” But you stay. Your lover may have been a douche, but you aided him. Those simple things you yearned for have been pushed further away. What happened? Your repetitive arguments are now in the spotlight. Your good traits, loyalty, time have been overshadowed. You wanted love so badly, you helped push it away. ” (2012)
There comes a point when you’ve dedicated so much time and exerted so much effort into fighting for what it is that your heart so deeply yearns for that it becomes embedded within you. The struggle to salvage what you’ve worked so hard to maintain doesn’t seem like a struggle anymore but instead, more like a routine. What you’ve protected for so long, it blinds you and becomes all that you know. And suddenly, you’ve found that you’ve lost sight of why it means so much to you.. and when that thought crosses your mind, you question if it’s something that’s still worth fighting for or a battle you just can’t win.
More importantly, you lose sight of yourself.”—-
Understand the love you have for yourself is more precious than anything else. Take care of yourself inside and out. You come first. Never let someone else take advantage of your good heart and destroy it leaving you with nothing. When you are happy within, the loss of temporary external pleasures will not matter. It appears difficult to stop wanting something you’ve wanted forever because you are so accustomed to it. When a tooth plagued by a cavity is pulled from the mouth, the process is painful and afterwards you can feel the loss for some time….but because of that missing tooth the mouth is now better, healthier, happier. Don’t let the fear of pain from leaving something behind stop you from letting go of something that is hurting you. Nothing behind you will ever be greater than what is in front of you. Don’t be afraid to step away and stand alone.